I GOTTA GET A LIFE

Salma Hayek’s Breasts and Ben Affleck's Drink

He’s not okay, which makes me feel better

Amy Sea
5 min readMay 15, 2023

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I’m obsessed with Ben Affleck. I don’t particularly like him.

I like Ben Affleck as much as I imagine he likes himself — sometimes a lot, sometimes not at all.

As his ex-wife and Alias star, Jennifer Garner, once said, “When you’re in Ben’s light, you feel like the most important person in the world, but it’s cool in his shadow.”

(Or something like that). She didn’t tell me. She told Vanity Fair. I wasn’t speaking to her that week.

YouTube — JLo and Ben — light or shadow? Who can say.

I liked Ben Affleck a lot in his recent movie Air — because he wasn’t playing a version of himself.

Sometimes, his movie characters are an extension of him — not a separate character(Ben Affleck in Batman for example). I was thrilled that Ben Affleck wasn’t Ben Affleck in the movie Air. It made me like Ben and the movie much more.

Part of the, Ben Affleck wasn’t Ben Affleck was the short curly red perm transformed him into someone else(Phil Knight).

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I also forgot all about his sad conflicted eyes and his lumbering body so much more muscular than most pretty boy petite male actors of his generation.

YouTube-BUFF, right?

I even forgot about the Ben Affleck sobriety question —

Is he or isn’t he?

Ben’s sobriety is as ubiquitous as the Selma Hayek’s fake breast question.

Are they fake or aren’t they? I run a Breast publication so of course I Googled that question.

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Amy Sea

100 X Top Writer, Editor— MuddyUm Editor, Breast Stories Editor-in-Chief — Comedian, Satirist, Humorist, Top Writer. Publisher of Breast Stories.