When Good Pods go Bad

But are you prepared for the pod?

Let’s not even discuss that ‘The Pod’ sounds like a horror movie.

Let’s say it is a horror movie. The trailer would go something like this: Five kids. All privileged. Straight-A students. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, Clay isn’t a solid straight-A student, but does it really matter? His parents are both doctors.

Everybody loves Erika. Just ask…her mother.

William loves music. That’s why he’s always always always always always singing!

Caroline doesn’t need to be the center of the universe. She just is.

David’s not a bully. He just hits when he’s excited. Or nervous. Or being patronized or someone else wins.

No big deal, though.

This teacher you hired. Harvard. Well, the Harvard of the Midwest. Michigan. Ashley promised she never goes out. I’m not snooping. Who wouldn't look at her Instagram? Wait. No mask. How many people did Ashley go to the Ozarks with? Is she liking that bartender’s face? Oh, I’m sure she washed her hands. And who can find a teacher with her credentials this late in the game?

What could possibly go wrong?

Ashley quit. That’s okay. She was on the road to COVID anyway. We dodged a bullet. We’re all overeducated people. We are Can-Do people! Just cut a couple of hours from work here, take an early day there. Everyone is making the same sacrifices, right? Right? Can I take on more hours? Ex-squeeze me.

It is easy to discipline someone else’s child. That never backfires. No need to call the police. I’m not favoring my own child. Your child happened to be wrong.

You sent your sick kid! What do think this is? A hospital? No need to get angry. No need to post an ambiguous accusation on our school district Facebook. I’m not saying that you knew. I’m just saying “a mother knows.” There are no bad guys here. Just sick pod people and well pod people. We’re all in the together, right? Until someone gets sick and then every pod person for themselves.

Wait! We all have to quarantine?

When did the pod teacher quit? Who talked to her? Is she a no-show or was someone else’s child unmanageable?

This was the perfect pod.

Wait. What? You can’t quit. Five is the perfect number for a pod. Every study concurred. We can’t do four. Four is a terrible number. Are you cheating on our pod? Did you get invited to another pod? Why didn’t I get invited to another pod? We might as well send them into a classroom.

10 X Top Writer. Satire, Humor, Food, and Fashion Top Writer. If you like what you just read, subscribe at Substack https://amy7f9.substack.com/