BAD DOG

What Would Robot Barbie Say?

The robots are listening

Waffles, author photo

Dear Humans,

Two things happened this year.

1. I considered moving. That took up all my energy. Unfortunately, nobody plugged me back in, so there I was, tapped out like flippy-floppy, Daryl Hannah, robot in Blade Runner. Expired in a tight colorful bodysuit.

2. I can’t remember number two, but I think it has something to do with brain fog. As we say in menopause, “I’ll wake up at 3 a.m. and remember what I forgot, but then I’ll wonder what I was talking about when I was trying to think of that thing that I just remembered.”

Tangent alert! That’s like a trigger alert, except you don’t give a shit.

Anyway, today I missed Medium. I used to be addicted to Medium, but then I quit the same way I quit smoking or drinking. Cold turkey. It’s the only way I know how to quit anything. I’m not a taper-offerer. I’m a rip the band-aid off of a gaping wound kind of gal.

Where does the expression cold turkey even come from? Who said cold turkey first?

I think a Neandertalette lit up a Woolly Mammoth 100, inhaled, and said, “Nope. I’m not smoking this shit anymore. I’m going cold turkey!”