Sarah, so sorry about your losses. I preemptively stopped drinking 20 years ago because alcohol also lives in many generations in my family. I loved drinking. It was how I socialized. I was impressed with my own ability to hod my alcohol, drink with the best of them. Like you, I am funny fun etc when I drink. I remember telling my mom I quit. What do you think? I asked, feeling I'd be judged. She said "Well, no ones life was made any better by alcohol." Like you, I found activities. When I paddleboard, I realize I've survived. When I am out on the water, clearheaded and happy, I realize I've made it. My life isn't perfect but I am still here. Not everyone I know is. I worked with one women years ago,, also in a bar and she died of it a couple years ago. I remember her as young vibrant funny. I saw her years later, broken and decrepit. It was like she'd been in a war. Other people I know from those days seem diluted by it even if they are still here. Thank you for writing this. I imagine it will touch a lot of people. It definitely impacted and moved me.