SWEAT AND BOOB SATIRE

My Breasts Are So Literate, They Had to Move Out Of Orlando

If you can read you’ve been banned

Canva adapted by Amy Sea

As I am writing this, my breasts are dripping. Dripping is a merciful way of expressing what is occurring. The more accurate term is monsooning.

My BREAST SWEAT is monsooning.

If you don’t think monsooning is a word, move to Florida where the dictionary, several thesauruses, and The Guinness Book of World Records will soon become illegal. Too sexy. Too gay. Too immigrant. Too many gay immigrants having sex with reference books.

Unacceptable.

Ban every mouthwatering temptress dictionary, thesaurus, and Guinness Book. Ban all words. Ban everything literary. Words are perverts.

Let’s go back to grunting.

“UNH-UH!” — Translation: My underboobs are sweating because I'm braless, wearing a sweatsuit and I’m unseasonably hot.

I once bragged I would never wear sweatsuits until I’d given up. Well. The fat lady bought the sweatsuit. It’s like wearing a sauna.

I’m not talking about leisurewear sweats, Lululemoners. I’m talking meaty Champion sweatsuits like we wore in the ‘70s and '80s when…