BREAST AWARDS
I Stick Out My Breasts Every Time Jennifer Coolidge Accepts an Award
What is it about Jennifer Coolidge? AKA Stifler’s mom, a star of The White Lotus, a friend of Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blond, the actress who just won the Golden Globe —
Is it her breasts? Is it that she was Stifler’s mom and many a teen boy's fantasy?
Is it that she was the first MILF? Is it her breathy voice that makes it seem like everything she is wearing is way too tight? Like her entire dress is a sequence Spanx corset? And at any moment, she might pass out onto the stage floor into a delicious pile of sexiness.
Jennifer Coolidge squeezes her normal-sized body into whatever the hell she wants to wear. If she can’t breathe, she tells her audience. “I’m having trouble breathing right now.”
She exhibits minimal dance moves she is famous for, due to limited moveability.
