Dear Amy Sea,
Dear Amy Sea,
I met this great girl, Lola, and it seemed like we had everything in common. She laughed at my jokes. She didn’t only eat salad. She played soccer as well as my friends. She swore all the time. I thought This is it, man. This is what love feels like. Meeting yourself you can make out with.
But then, because the other cleat always drops on love’s tender floor, I noticed Lola had this kind of connection with everyone. She talked about football with my friend Dave. She made kale smoothies like my sister, Lisa. Exact same ingredients. She had the same dog as my neighbor. She shared a birthday with at least three people we knew.
Honestly, she started to remind me of the Best Buy salesmen, who say, “Oh yeah, that 15,000 dollar tv is amazing. I have that same one at home. And that radio. And that phone.” I’m always like, “Please, dude. On your salary?”
Lola was exactly like everyone! It made me wonder, “Is everyone in love with my girlfriend because she’s everyone’s perfect match?”
I know this is probably a stupid problem to have. People write you all about serious issues like cheating and alcoholism and mothers-in-law, but I’m concerned.
If Lola gets along with everyone the same as me, who am I? And is it better to fall in love with someone who nobody likes but likes me, but at least I know she likes me more than everyone? Or should I find a middle-of-the-road type person, who some people like and some people don’t?
Or a bland person who everyone feels meh about but likes me? Or should I look for someone who is practically invisible? Or just some asshole who people say, ‘What the hell are you doing with her, man? You lose a bet?’
Help me, Amy Sea, you’re my only hope,
Troubled in Paradise
Dear Troubled in Paradise,
I am your only hope. Your puzzle is real. Not everyone is capable of being in a relationship with a delightful person who gets along with everyone. You are one of those incapable people.
My advice to you is don’t date an individual. Date groups. Maybe tamper with a thruple. Thruples are good because you already know you’re sharing. If you’re in a thruple, you don’t have to wonder if you’ve got competition.
You live with your competition. Also, if you’re behaving like an asshole, your partner can roll over to the other side of the bed. Maybe then you’ll get the message.
That’s your only hope. Be a thruple.
Sincerely,
Amy Sea
