If breasts could talk — Boobs. When you’re young, you flaunt’m. When you get older, you push’m up. On my walks along the lake, I always see college-aged girls wearing tiny tops and mom jeans. It’s a cute look. The appearance of so much flesh is jarring at first, but then it reminds me of…

The news is never good but it’s funny — Here’s my advice to anyone who wants to be happy — Only buy a newspaper if you enjoy watching the end of the world. Nothing in the newspaper makes me laugh. …

Bumper stickers are from another era and yet, here they are again — Bumper stickers are reminiscent of patches on denim jackets and road trips. Only hippies, religious people, and die-hard radio station fans maintained bumper sticker culture during its quieter times. Bumper stickers might have remained forgotten indefinitely had it not been for a country in turmoil. We got tired of yelling…

The correction — Dear Breast Stories Readers and Writers, Another editor recently sent me a humor story that another Medium writer wrote. I’m not telling you the story or the writer because I don’t want this person to feel bad in case they didn’t have the proper information. Their story was making fun…

There’s something about Stifler’s mom — What is it about Jennifer Coolidge? AKA Stifler’s mom, a star of The White Lotus, a friend of Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blond, the actress who just won the Golden Globe — Is it her breasts? Is it that she was Stifler’s mom and many a teen boy's fantasy? Is…

Finding my sea legs in parenting — I didn’t know parents gossiped about kids. I’m naive. Yesterday someone told me some alarming information about a kid my son is friends with. By the time she finished telling me about my son’s friend, I was hiding under my dining room table with the lights off. I was ready…

If you give a writer an edit, they’re going to make up a story — No matter how crazy you think your family is, you need to stop talking about them—to your friends, your co-workers, your book club. Your family narrative is like a sitcom that started out with excellent writers but they moved on to better shows. If your family happens to be incredibly…

Be all who you pretend to be — I used to worry about embellishing my resumé. I imagined cops banging down my doors, holding up my flimsy, pizza-stained, chicken scratch job application. Yeah, Amy. We called Pizza Hut. They said you were never a manager. I feared lying would cut me off from future employment. They’d hang me…

Sex matters for both sexes — What parents say to boys: Aw, you have a girlfriend. That’s so cute. What parents say to girls: Who is this person? Do I know his mother? Has he touched you inappropriately? I need to meet him. You can’t be alone with him. What’s his mother’s number? Keep the door…