Wise Women

If breasts could talk

Photo by Ali Pazani on Unsplash

Boobs. When you’re young, you flaunt’m. When you get older, you push’m up.

On my walks along the lake, I always see college-aged girls wearing tiny tops and mom jeans. It’s a cute look. The appearance of so much flesh is jarring at first, but then it reminds me of…


Humor

Stupid hard to make salads

Photo by Bruna Branco on Unsplash

What’s the deal with salads? Why are they so fucking hard to make? Why do they have to be such dicks? I’m sorry if I’ve offended dicks, but that’s what salads are. Just a bunch of dicks.

“Why dicks?” You may ask. “Is this gender bias? …


The laws of attraction

“Wise Woman Says Embrace Your Self” by Sierragoddess is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0

I have a habit that is worse than smoking, drinking, and fooling around. It’s putting other people’s feelings ahead of my own. This dangerous habit leads to inauthenticity, exhaustion, and bouts of resentment.


DRUGGED IN THE USA

A pharmabartender’s guide to the perfect shot

by ▓▒░ TORLEY ░▒▓ is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

I am beyond excited about this new mix’n’match vaccine. I have been bored out of my mind since my children were sent home from school, and we turned our bathrooms into home offices.

I started to look for the edge of the flat Earth to plummet from. The problem with…


Lunatific Era

Survival of the nuttiest

“Sigmund Freud” by wordscraft is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Recently, I was looking for a child therapist. Not for my child. My kid’s perfect. Guilded. Flawless. Mama’s little prince. I’m looking for a child therapist an uncle’s friend of a friend of a cousin’s imperfect spawn.

The kid is nuts. He plays video games all day. His diet consists…


Emotional Playbook

The truth about sadness, rainbows, and writing

“THE SILVER LINING” by ALL CHROME is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Depression can feel like a creation killer, but what if it’s not? What if you can make it part of the process?

Whenever I get anxious, depressed, sad, I worry I won't be able to write anymore. I’m not funny, creative, or curious. I’m boring and I get stuck in…


DUMB PARROTS

An emoji told me this article is brilliant

“drug trafficking” by Josep PC is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

This morning I was writing an article about kids dealing drugs. Or drugs dealing kids. It was a play on words but the words were drugs and kids not your grandmama’s refrigerator magnets.

The article I wrote was about how parents are neglecting their kids by allowing them to…


Schaden-neighbor-freude

Trouble in paradise is good for all

Fancy Houses” by tomblanton1957 is licensed under CC BY 2.0I

Do you ever look over at your neighbor's fancy house and think, “Uh oh. Things are going too well over there.”

You watch those same neighbors go out every night, dressed like they’re ready to meet and greet Beyonce on the red carpet. They remodel their home habitually like the…


Bosses Day

Susan B is our Dolly

“Dolly Parton 2006” by Alejo Castillo is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the Zoom room,
Pour herself a cup of You Go Girl! …


More hookers

by jean louis mazieres is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Everybody loves talking about their divorce. It’s like telling people you’re having a baby or buying a new house. Who doesn’t love talking about their most tremendous romantic success since Eve cheated on Adam with that snake? …

Amy Sea

10 X Top Writer. Satire, Humor, Food, and Fashion Top Writer. If you like what you just read, subscribe at Substack https://amy7f9.substack.com/

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store