Wise Women

If breasts could talk

Photo by Ali Pazani on Unsplash

Boobs. When you’re young, you flaunt’m. When you get older, you push’m up.

On my walks along the lake, I always see college-aged girls wearing tiny tops and mom jeans. It’s a cute look. The appearance of so much flesh is jarring at first, but then it reminds me of…


Humor

Stupid hard to make salads

Photo by Bruna Branco on Unsplash

What’s the deal with salads? Why are they so fucking hard to make? Why do they have to be such dicks? I’m sorry if I’ve offended dicks, but that’s what salads are. Just a bunch of dicks.

“Why dicks?” You may ask. “Is this gender bias? …


Emotional Playbook

The truth about sadness, rainbows, and writing

“THE SILVER LINING” by ALL CHROME is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Depression can feel like a creation killer, but what if it’s not? What if you can make it part of the process?

Whenever I get anxious, depressed, sad, I worry I won't be able to write anymore. I’m not funny, creative, or curious. I’m boring and I get stuck in…


DUMB PARROTS

An emoji told me this article is brilliant

“drug trafficking” by Josep PC is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

This morning I was writing an article about kids dealing drugs. Or drugs dealing kids. It was a play on words but the words were drugs and kids not your grandmama’s refrigerator magnets.

The article I wrote was about how parents are neglecting their kids by allowing them to…


Schaden-neighbor-freude

Trouble in paradise is good for all

Fancy Houses” by tomblanton1957 is licensed under CC BY 2.0I

Do you ever look over at your neighbor's fancy house and think, “Uh oh. Things are going too well over there.”

You watch those same neighbors go out every night, dressed like they’re ready to meet and greet Beyonce on the red carpet. They remodel their home habitually like the…


Bosses Day

Susan B is our Dolly

“Dolly Parton 2006” by Alejo Castillo is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Tumble outta bed
And stumble to the Zoom room,
Pour herself a cup of You Go Girl! …


More hookers

by jean louis mazieres is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Everybody loves talking about their divorce. It’s like telling people you’re having a baby or buying a new house. Who doesn’t love talking about their most tremendous romantic success since Eve cheated on Adam with that snake? …


Drugs want to teach your kids card games

Drugs are fed up with kids and video games. Drugs claim your kids aren’t interesting anymore. But drugs have an answer. They’re dealing to kids. Cards, that is. Drugs are dealing in the playground, the library, the schools.

It’s exciting. They’re dealing kids cards—stacks of ’em. Go Fish. Poker. …


Why are these people twerking on my phone?

Mother And Child” by just.Luc is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Do all these people twerking in REELS live in the same house? It looks like the same mansion. They all have wrought iron staircases and 30-foot ceilings. They all live in Arizona, California, or Texas. They are all blond, white, and shiny.

The twerkers are golden tan. Almost J.Lo bronze…


TECHCOMEDY

Mysterious new upgrades revealed

by Wicker Paradise is licensed under CC BY 2.0

No. It does not come with a vaccine. Yes, the iPhone 14 is linked to the NSA. Yes. It gives you dopamine bursts whenever you send hate emails, click on negative images, or say anything positive about the Leader of the iPhone.

Who is the Leader of the iPhone and…

Amy Sea

10 X Top Writer. Satire, Humor, Food, and Fashion Top Writer. If you like what you just read, subscribe at Substack https://amy7f9.substack.com/

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