If breasts could talk — Boobs. When you’re young, you flaunt’m. When you get older, you push’m up. On my walks along the lake, I always see college-aged girls wearing tiny tops and mom jeans. It’s a cute look. The appearance of so much flesh is jarring at first, but then it reminds me of…

So close, so faraway — I want to not know how and what people are doing again. One of my best friends from high school posted a picture of her son’s rock band. He’s killing it in Europe and Africa. She’s European and her husband is African so that’s where her son travels and plays…

Lily-Rose Depp accused of showing too much breast in The Idol — If you’re not as obsessed with irrelevant Hollywood breast gossip like I am, you might have missed the drama around Johnny Depp’s daughter showing too much breast in her movie The Idol, a movie that is not about Britney Spears, bitch, after she went crazy and tried to make a…

A response to Roz Warren — I just read an eye-opening article by Roz Warren called I’m Glad I Don’t Have a Husband. Its subject matter is self-explanatory. I have a husband so I read it. For curiosity. I wanted to examine whether or not glad I was glad I had a husband. If you’re afraid…

You know you have a teenager when — — You know you have a teenager when there is a melancholy, exponentially growing human, laying flat on their face, suctioned to a cellphone, yelling to you about what you ruined. Today, I ruined summer. Yesterday, I ruined the weekend. The day before that I ruined another teenager’s party — the…

Should I be doing more for my girls? — Do you ever wonder, should I do more to decorate my breasts? I don’t care how big or small they are. They’ve got so much untapped creative potential. Yet, all we do is stuff them away. Look at what Uncut Gems actress and model, Julia Fox wore to Cannes. She…

Stuff it back down like we did — Dear My Daughter’s Therapist, Congratulations on your objectivity. Playing Monday morning quarterback must be nice after decades of MY legitimate parenting experience. If God were to look at our resumés, he’d look at yours and piss his pants. “Hold on! “ God would say, busting a gut laughing. “You have…

Dance like 1,000,000 people are watching — We have come a long way from Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction.

Sit down and shut up — There are winning teams and losing teams. No matter what kind of team our kids are on, we need to teach them how to be decent people. That’s our job. The first basketball team my son joined won the championship. The finals exhibited some of the worst parental behavior I…