OVERNIGHT MUSINGS

8 Types of Parents At Camp Drop Off

Monkeys in the middle

Canva adapted by Amy Sea

I dropped my kid off at camp this week. I observed all types of parents. Some good, some bad. Most of us rest somewhere in the middle.

Here is what I observed as parents shuttled their kids off to camp.

1. The hysterical parent is unsurprisingly, hysterical. The hysterical parent is either crying or concealing so many microexpressions of sadness, anxiety, and joy, that their face is like melting playdough.
2. The sad parent feels time is moving too quickly. In extreme cases, the sad parent will hold their children down and force them to look at iPhone baby pictures. In the 1970s and 1980s, the sad parent brought baby books, which were bulky.
3. The exhausted parent cannot remember the last time they were fully awake for anything. Nature punked them and the force of gravity weighs heavier on them than other humans. Their children are not helping carry their own suitcases which are as large as refrigerators. The exhausted parent’s exhaustion stems from never delegating anything. The exhausted parent cannot wait for a break from being their children’s concierge. However, they are also worried about who is going to do everything for their children when they are not there.
4. The detached parent. If the detached parent can keep a low profile, they will escape without judgment from the other parents. If they are spotted, however, by the helicopter/snowplow parents, they will be immediately judged. Their lack of hysteria and absence of nagging causes the more terrified parents to cruelly judge them. You might overhear a helicopter parent say of the detached parent, “She couldn’t get rid of her kids soon enough. She doesn’t even care they are leaving.” The detached parent is often a working mother who has balance and knows her kids are fine. She might also be a sociopath. You can never tell.
5. The ‘drop and leave parents’ are heroic. They have been waiting for this day all summer and they planned a trip to Italy. If they hurry now, they will get an extra hour at the airport to pick up a Starbucks and chill.
6. The ‘I can’t stand to see them go’ parents are hiding in the car. They can’t stand to see their children go. They…